H3

Awesome off-road ability, but can we think of any other reason to recommend the H3? Er, it’s not quite as big as you might think. Beyond that…

• Comfort

  Hard plastics and rubber – we’re not talking Laura Ashley soft furnishings department here. The on-road ride is similarly utilitarian, crashing over bumps and potholes, while the five-cylinder engine is gruff and noisy.
  

• Performance

  On-road? Rubbish. The 3.7-litre five-cylinder petrol engine hauls the H3 to 60mph in around 12 seconds, but it feels slower. Off-road, though, the H3 is a proper machine – it’ll climb a 60 degree incline, traverse a 40 degree slope and crawl through two feet of water. Potentially all at the same time.
  

• Cool

  The H3 is only cool if you’re a fan of shootin’, incest and lazy stereotyping. Sorry.
  

• Quality

  Uninspiring on the inside, but at the least the plastics feel like they’re well bolted down. The H3 gives the impression that it’ll handle whatever off-road nastiness you throw at it, but we’d still rather be in a Defender.
  

• Handling

  Wallowy and soft on the road – ladder frame chassis and leaf spring suspension is so 1960s, darling. Once it’s up to motorway speeds on decent tarmac, things become just about bearable, but make no mistake – this isn’t a road-friendly modern SUV.
  

• Practicality

  If you’ve got a sheep that needs rescuing from the top of Ben Nevis, the Hummer is very practical. The rest of us, though, will find more interior comfort in the expanding swathe of modern crossovers. It’s not as bad to park as you might think, though – the H3 is actually shorter than a Mondeo estate.
  

• Running costs

  Hummer quotes 20mpg and 327g/km of CO2. You do the maths. Depreciation isn’t going to be great, either – especially not with all the panel dents from angry environmentalist’s hemp golf clubs